Interacting with People with Disabilities

It's no secret a lot of people in the world aren't comfortable around people with disabilities. It can take time getting comfortable with the idea of being disabled, and it can take even longer for people to get comfortable around us. Some people look at us with curiosity, pushing it as far as pointing fingers. Some offer to pray for us (why?) or avoid us, because who knows, maybe it’s contagious? Not many able-bodied people seem to treat their peers with disabilities as, well – “normal people.” Maybe it’s because they don’t know just how similar we actually are? 

Recently, I was on the BART (a Bay Area Rapid Transit train) and a woman said to me, “What happened to you? The wheelchair…” Seriously, lady?!? I’ve got a minute; why don’t you tell me your life story? I told her it was none of her business but thanked her for her concern. Earlier that day, I entered a shop but couldn’t fit through an aisle. The clerk told me to be careful. I turned to leave instead. You just lost a customer. She said she’d be happy to get anything I wanted to see. She should have led with that. I told her I was leaving. My husband told me that she looked panicked when I came in. Another time, a few years ago, I was in a bar and was still using my forearm crutches when a girl came up to me and told me she just knew I was going to be alright. Um, thanks?

People with disabilities as a whole don't like being referred to as "inspirational," especially when they do a basic task like go and buy some coffee. And this happens all the time. While some people get inspired by us simply living our lives and can't help it, please try to refrain from sharing your thoughts with us. We are just trying to live our lives like everyone else. Your comment will have the negative effect, reminding us how different people still think we are.

On the other hand, it is extremely common for people to talk to the person I am with rather than talking to me. “Hello… I’m down here!” Some may argue that this is due to people not knowing how to respond to someone in a wheelchair, or being worried they would say the wrong thing and offend me. I am completely capable of talking and communicating with you — just talk to me like you would talk to any other person.

Oh, and always ask before giving assistance. Just because a person has a disability, they don't necessarily need or want your assistance. Never help someone without first asking them. Also, avoid showing pity or being patronizing. People with disabilities aren't victims. 

When in doubt, always refer to the Golden Rule - treat others as you'd like to be treated. Mutual respect. At the end of the day, this is the only tip you need. Interacting with people with disabilities is only as hard as you make it.

Disability Etiquette from The United Spinal Association