MS
has taken a lot from me but the one thing that surprised and angered me the
most is that MS has taken the use of my hands.
Multiple sclerosis can impact hand dexterity, coordination,
and strength because of the effect it has on the central nervous system. This
is another form of spasticity. I experience a
tightening of the muscles in my forearm, which causes the hand and fingers
to turn in. I often have a disabled look to my
arm and hand. I call it my “dumb” limb. My fingers curl inward and I
keep my arm close to my body. There has been a change to my arm’s natural
resting position. I can no longer write or reliably button a button, and my
typing has become more of the hunt and peck variety. It’s a dexterity and fine motor skills
issue; my fingers do not move the way I want them to. It is
actually hard NOT to automatically curl my hands. I have to consciously think
about unbending them
I have difficulty with activities such as picking things up,
maintaining a hold on items, and have trouble controlling eating utensils. I need help cutting my
food into manageable pieces or I just spear the whole damn thing on my fork.
Other
than basic motor skills, I have lost a lot the ability to do some of my
favorite hobbies. I have always been a creative person. I loved being crafty:
beading, creating journals/scrapbooks, keeping a book journal of books I’ve
read along with writing down my favorite quotes. Now I have trouble holding a
pen to write my name. I need oversized Sharpies to write a few words and I have
to concentrate on each letter. My grip strength is poor (an OT told me it is
about 25 pounds per hand – which she helpfully characterized as not enough to
strangle a man!)
While there are some fixes -- I use speech-to-text software,
have some grips that make holding silverware a bit easier, use an ergonomic
mouse, and mostly rely on Sharpies to write – more and more, I feel trapped in
a body that refuses to cooperate.
