Sometimes when we talk
about MS we talk about big things like mobility or treatments. But it’s the
little things that seem to affect me the most.
The biggest little thing
that irritates me is the loss of my dexterity and fine motor skills. It started
with a little curling of the fingers on my left hand. I found my resting
position was a balled hand, almost a fist. Every time I noticed this, I would
straighten my fingers.
Then my right hand became
affected. I found it increasingly difficult to use a computer keyboard or to
write. Thankfully, my employer provided me with speech-to-text software that
has helped as a work-around.
As my right hand grew
increasingly weaker, the realization that I could no longer sign my name was
distressing. I also came to find eating difficult with heavy silverware or
fatigued hands and arms.
I'm a creative person and,
unfortunately, MS is robbing me of my craft hobbies. I can no longer write in a
journal or do more intricate bead-work, or even do coloring, which I found
soothing before the adult coloring book fad took off. I continue to work at
these things when I can but the fatigue and loss of fine motor skills means I
can do these activities for only brief periods.
This infuriates me -
especially as I can't understand why I can't manage such a simple operation
which I managed effortlessly for the first part of my life. Now buttoning a button
is an almost insurmountable task.
My employer graciously lets
me work from home full time. This enables me to save energy getting ready for
the day without a commute that can be exhausting but I miss daily face-to-face
social interactions. I have to work at being alone without being lonely. I also
tire quickly and thoroughly. I’ve learned I can handle one activity a day. My
illness has forced me to adjust to a simpler life.
I have
adapted to life in a wheelchair. But a little thing like a curb or a step stops
me in my tracks.
“It’s the little
things.”
